The Future Nigeria » Contrast with Ebuka

TIGER WOODS & RIHANNA: IT’S A WOMAN’S WORLD!

admin — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 15:14:28 +0000

“You know who this is because you are f***ing my husband! Those were the alleged words of Elin Nordegren Woods; Tiger Woods’ former Swedish model wife, to cocktail waitress Jamiee Grubbs, who is also allegedly one of the three women that the world’s favourite golfer Tiger Woods was having an affair with. Apparently, Mrs. Woods had called her husband’s mistress and could not reach her. She decided to drop a voicemail instead and ended the call with that sentence; without seeing the need to identify herself as Mrs. Woods.
In the last week, the world has watched the great, super rich and almost infallible Tiger Woods become human; or as most women would like to put it; become like every other man. All men have been tagged as cheaters by women; just that we do not all get caught. And when people like Tiger get caught cheating, it really does not help our cause in anyway.
I stopped being a fan of Tiger Woods for a long time. First because I do not think golf is a sport (my brother in law will shoot me for this) and is not really worth watching or participating in unless for leisure like our pot bellied politicians do in Abuja; but mostly because his dominance of the sport has been too long that it is almost boring. You can call it bad belle and you would not be wrong; but I digress…
When the news first broke that he was involved in an accident near his house, it seemed strange that he would run into a tree and fire hydrant when he was not speeding on an express way or driving under the influence of alcohol. He was taken to a hospital and after treatment; investigations of course had to kick in to find out why he would have an accident in his driveway alone in his car, without a need for him to be taken to ‘Yaba Left’. Then it got interesting.
First we heard there was a 34 year old lady, Rachel Uchitel in the picture; but that was not all. Almost immediately, another name, Kalika Moquin hit the tabloids as another mistress of Tiger’s. The list was finally rounded up (at least for now) by the revelation that there was a third woman, Jamie Grubbs. What?!? So that soft talking Tiger Woods that sometimes looks so fragile as to make you think that the gusty wind at the golf clubs would blow him away, has been comfortably sleeping with 4 women (plus his wife) all this while. Of course several jokes have been made about him since then. A friend Richard said that he messed up because all these women (including his wife) were white; and that was why he was getting the entire backlash from the public. Does he mean that black women are not good enough?
Another said that since he has been in incredible form in the past year, so maybe his wife should let him continue cheating as that may be what has boosted his performance since coming back from injury; and possibly change his name from Tiger to the animal Cheetah.
In all the digging and probing into Tiger’s infidelity that has gone on, I have been more interested in the fact that he was hit by his wife. Now, I do understand the fact that she was angry on finding out that she had been living with a cheating man. But the medics said it all when they revealed that Tiger Woods arrived at the hospital with scratches on his face. He was bleeding from them and they were obviously not as a result of an accident but from nails in a violent struggle. He apparently also had the accident because his wife chased him out with a golf club and shattered the windshields of his Cadillac, which startled him and caused him to bash his car. Tiger has since told the whole world that his wife had nothing to do with his accident and should not be blamed or mentioned at all.
Nobody believed or believes him anyway because he has obviously done enough damage already to his wife’s heart and would not want her dragged into anymore public scrutiny. He simply tried to be the nice guy by covering up her part of the problem. He has also asked the world to leave his family alone; and that since it was a private affair he would want it treated as such. Fair enough.
But a statement by R & B singer Chris Brown, on the social networking site; twitter.com, made me look at things from a different and more interesting perspective. He said; “Wow… The world is so one sided…case closed? Just like that?”
We all know Chris Brown’s story about his violent outburst with then girlfriend Rihanna; and how he attacked her and left her face battered and bloodied. The world has not forgiven him ever since and no one has ever really cared to find out if Rihanna played a part in the actions from that night.
I have said and will always say that no man, under any circumstance should lay a finger on a woman. It is the lowest point that any man can descend to and it is almost impossible to justify. There has been talk about Rihanna having a bad mouth and an even worse temper. People have said that she pushed Chris Brown to the wall on that day, hence the need for him to react violently having been left with no other option. But that does not still help his cause in anyway. In a fair and balanced world, Chris Brown would have a point with all that she did to him. Unfortunately for him, the world is not fair and balanced and would always give women a softer landing.
I have been at a police station once when a case of domestic violence was brought to the station. The young dating couple came in bleeding and breathing heavily with the girlfriend screaming and crying and her hands still ruffling her boyfriend’s shirt. She was hurt really badly; but so was he. I was in shock as to why they would even get to such a level where their neighbours had to call in the police.
There were bite marks, scars, tears and one almost completely covered eye on the girlfriend while the boy’s white singlet had almost completely turned red mostly from his own blood gushing from his right chest where she had allegedly stabbed him. They reeked of alcohol and confessed later to have also smoked weed a.k.a. igbo. As the police went on to try to settle issues and take statements, it became apparent to the guy that he would be arrested and kept in the cell at least for that day, while his girlfriend would be left to go home. He started complaining that she hurt him as much if not more than he did her and so she should also be kept in the cell or they are both let to go home.
The police went on to explain to him; “You no dey shame (slap). How you go beat woman like this finish (kick) and you still wan go house (blow)? In fact (another slap) the shame na double (punch) because you let small woman like this (knock) even make blood comot for your body (another blow). Weak man like you (loud laughter)!”
It was a strange scene for me. So he was being punished for hitting his girlfriend and was also going to be punished even more for being a weak man by letting her hit him and making him bleed as a result. It was a lose-lose situation for him.
I am all for the world being fair and balanced and women’s rights being equal to men’s. But it becomes a little hard when you witness a situation where a man is being detained for letting his girlfriend beat him and stab him. So, if you hit her, you lose. If you let her hit you, you still lose!
I hear Tiger has tried to settle his issues privately because a divorce could result in him losing as much as $350,000.000 to his wife. Thus, his wife will have to spend the remaining days knowing that she lives with an adulterer. But they are probably more interested in raising their kid as a united family; which is great. They could also draw inspiration from the Clinton’s who have still stayed strong after Bill’s many public randy nights of infidelity!
Chris Brown and Rihanna are also slowly trying to continue building their careers and the world is waiting to see how their new albums would be received. Of course Rihanna is already being accepted but Chris Brown has to slowly work his way back to the good books of his fans, especially the women.
But the question for me still remains; why does Chris Brown get a 5 year probation sentence with one year community service for violence on Rihanna while Elin Woods instead gets an apology from Tiger and pity from the world for her own violent act?
DISCLAIMER: I am not a chauvinist!
ANSWERS ANYONE?
When will the Nigerian people start to matter to their leaders? When?

BREAKUPS: HONESTY VS HEARTLESSNESS

admin — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:50:03 +0000

“It’s not you that has a problem; it’s me!” That has been voted the most popular breakup line across the world in an online poll. Apparently, people use it a lot when they want to end a relationship because it tends to make you look like you are taking the blame when in reality; you have just dumped someone, pure and simple!
There has never been a good way to breakup with someone or end a relationship, long or short. It is almost impossible to dump someone and make that person feel good about it. Same way I also feel that it is almost impossible for two parties to end a relationship mutually. I always laugh heartily (mostly inside my head) when I hear people say they just ended a relationship “and it was mutual”. While it may seem that the both of you may have talked about it and decided to end it, you know that one party was made to bend or concede at the end of it all; probably on the spot or over time. ‘Mutual’ and ‘breakup’ are strange sentence fellows.
At a much younger age, I always had this fantasy of meeting my first love and marrying her on the long run. Why would I want to break anyone’s heart? Why would anyone not want to be with me forever when all I needed to do was to make her happy and most importantly, keep it that way. My first slight taste of a breakup came while in primary school. There was a girl in my class whom another guy Nosa (I wonder where he is now) also wanted to be friends with. Of course at that time, it was not about getting into a relationship but more about just hanging out with the hot girl in class. She seemed to like the attention as Nosa and I would subtly always want to tell her stories at break time or just sit with her and hopefully make her laugh.
It was a battle of the wittiest and sometimes; a battle of whom could come up with the best lies to feed her fantasy. Stories like; “When I travelled to America for the holiday, I was sitting near Michael Jackson on the plane.” Of course, there was no way for her to verify that. Or; “My Daddy and the governor are best friends. Tell your daddy to allow you come with me to his house one day.” That always worked because you knew that there was no way on earth that her father would let her leave the house to go anywhere. It all seemed like fun but I also knew it was a serious ego battle.
Interestingly, I seemed to have an advantage over Nosa because I shared my desk with her. It did not matter that we hardly said a thing to each other when classes were on. It was just enough for my self esteem knowing that I actually spent more time with her. Then one day, it all just went downhill. She came into class and told me that she wanted to change her seat because she did not like me anymore. I could not understand what she meant. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have tried to sweet talk her out of it but with my relationship-less brain then, I just stood there looking at her without saying a word when deep down, I was crying blood and also cursing her out.
She told the teacher some days later that she wanted to move to a seat closer to the blackboard because her sight was not very good and she needed to see the board better. Of course, she got her wish but thankfully was not moved to Nosa’s seat. I probably never said a word to her after that because I could not understand why she did what she did. The pain was really hard and like grownups whose lives take a dip when heartbroken, my academics suffered for a bit as I dropped 3 places in class that term. I would later understand that I had learnt two tough lessons about life; I would almost never understand women; and breakups always equal heartbreak.
If I had a chance to vote for my most ingenious breakup line, it would have to be ‘I love you but I am not in love with you.’ That sentence is packed with honesty, sarcasm, arrogance, love, hate and downright heartbreak rolled into one. It is like telling someone; ‘You do not smell but something smells every time you are around.’ Terrible yet polite!
Then there is the mostly Nigerian one; ‘My parents say we cannot get married.” I have gotten that one before so I know exactly how it bites. Yes, we know that in Nigeria, when you get married, be ready to get married to your partner’s entire extended family. But there is also the fact that for the most part of that marriage, your parents will not be in the room with you when their own candidate snores the night away to your irritation; or they may and will most likely die way before you; leaving you with that annoying partner whose laughter just makes you want to rip his/her throat out. When I was hit with that line, I believed it; not because I knew her parents disliked me that much but mostly because I got her message clearly; ‘I am done with you Ebuka’.
Those nice lines like; ‘You are a wonderful person, you deserve and will meet someone better than me’; or; ‘We are at different points in our lives and I think it’s best we concentrate on those points.’ Or; ‘I think you are a great person but I’ll rather just be your friend’, are actually not as nice as they seem. It boils down to the same thing; “I do not want to be with you.” Why would you need a great friend when you can have one great friend and life partner put together? Maybe the person is allergic to spending their lives with great people. They like taking greatness in bits of friendship. Story!
Some of my favourites are those ones that make the dumper look like he or she is confused; ‘I don’t know what I want’; or; ‘I need a break to clear my head’; or; ‘I think this relationship is getting in the way of our careers’; or; ‘I think the heat has died of. Maybe we should call things off?’
Then comes the almighty; ‘Maybe we need a break.’ What are you taking a break for? As far as I am concerned, you are either in our out of a relationship. Breaks are just an excuse to cheat and date other people. Thus, a break is a full breakup coated in deceit. In as much as people need space sometimes, it has been proven that problems are solved better when people stick together not when they decide to stay apart. Apparently, that theory does not apply to relationships.
But then, does the fact that a breakup is almost always heartbreaking, mean that it is a purely heartless act? Is it not possible that the reasons the person gave may actually be true? Like the girl from my primary school class for example; what if she actually honestly did not like me anymore and had also developed an eye problem at the same time? Is that not possible? I for example went from being a huge lover of egusi soup to now eating it only under duress or inducement. If that can happen with food, why then can it not happen with human beings?
When she says she is the one that has a problem and not you, is it not possible that she actually has a problem? She may have an undiagnosed mental condition that makes it impossible for her to fall in love. I have never heard of anyone with that problem but maybe they do not even know they have it; so she may be the problem not you!
What if you are suffocating him a little too much and he really finds that it has started affecting his financial life. Of course he would breakup with you and tell you that ‘you are getting in the way of his career’ and nothing more. Or is there a better way to paint it.
If he tells you; ‘I was never in love with you and never will be’, yes he may seem heartless but may also be honest. He may have gone into the relationship hoping to fall in love as things grew but eventually found out that it would not happen. Is it not fairer on both parties that he ended things instead of letting you live in a delusional world?
I am all for people falling in love and staying happily ever after at it. But I also believe that when you think the fire has stopped burning, move your pot and go fetch new fire wood. No amount of kerosene poured on the charcoal will light it up!
But all of these should come after both parties have tried to work things out. Do not say you realised yesterday that she was not the one for you anymore and decided to call it quits after 2 years. Hard to explain how in 24 hours you reached that decision. If she was so ugly all this while, you should have known all along and not just in a day.
In all of this, I think the best breakup line should hold both heartlessness and honesty strongly. There is hardly ever any balance. The more you try to sound nice, the sillier and patronizing you may seem. There is nothing worse than looking like a liar and weakling while breaking up. Make your point simply and as honestly as possible and move on.
So next time you want to end a relationship and you have no way to put it nicely, simply walk up to your boyfriend or girlfriend and say with a straight face; ‘It’s over. Deal with it.’ It does not get any more honest than that…
ANSWERS ANYONE?
Have you said a prayer today for President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua’s health?

Sesame Street at 40; Nigerian Television at 50

admin — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:30:46 +0000

Yes! ‘Sesame Street’, every child’s favourite street and friends, is 40 years old and celebrations to mark this milestone already started a week early on November 3, 2009. Like you, most people I told, did not believe that the show is that old and understandably so. We all almost grew up watching ‘Big Bird’ and ‘Elmo’ so; people tend to think that the show started at the time when they were born!
The very first episode of ‘Sesame Street’ aired on November 10th, 1969. Not a lot of Nigerians would have been able to watch that since we were in the throes of the Nigerian Civil War at that time. Television was also not as universal as it is today, with cables, satellites and the internet. Then, to watch ‘Sesame Street’ outside of America, you had to go negotiate with the producers, buy tapes and then air them in your local country. Yet, the show was (and still is) a huge success.
The original format was very simple; to educate children while also entertaining them. At the time, education was seeing as completely separate from entertainment. Why try to have fun while learning? Now, shows like ‘Barney and Friends’ and ‘Teletubbies’ all copy that format. One of the biggest problems the producers had when putting the show together, was finding a name for the show. They feared that children may find it difficult to pronounce the word, ‘Sesame’! Harvard Professors like Gerald Lesser and Lloyd Morrisett of the Carnegie Institute teamed up with some of the best heads in television at the time, to work out the simplest yet, most effective way to get children to listen, enjoy and learn on television.
It took them three years, starting from 1966, when the research started, to 1969 when the first show was aired, to actually push out the show which seems so simple today. NBC aired the first show to huge acclaim and like a writer; Michael Davis stated then; “It became the rare children’s show, stamped with parental approval.”
I was a huge fan of the alphabet game. On every episode, an alphabet was chosen and different words and sounds that start with that letter, were talked about, defined and explained better than some our school teachers did. I for example, found out that were was a difference between the words ‘seat’ and ‘sit’ for the first time on ‘Sesame Street’. I was pretty young then and it stuck with me ever since.
Then there were of course the characters. Everybody loved ‘Big Bird’. It was the one character that most kids could most relate to. Naïve, very innocent, always asked questions and made a lot of mistakes. Everything seemed to excite it and it always tried to be better.
The total opposite was ‘Oscar the Grouch’. He was dirty and never happy. He never liked kids playing near his trash home and would always complain about everything. Most kids never liked him and always liked it when he was taught a lesson. He loved his pet; ’Slimey the Worm’ a lot though and with that, always showed that he also had a soft side. I would strangely look in trash cans then to see if he would jump out of one of them. Thankfully, he never did
Then there was ‘Forgetful Jones’. He never seemed to remember anything; even forgot his name sometimes. But what was interesting was how the producers of the show, used that disadvantage to help children remember things easily. The use of clues and props were always helpful for ‘Forgetful Jones’ and kids who watched, also picked that up.
Roommates; ‘Bert’ and ‘Ernie’ reminded me a lot of my elder brother and I at the time. The constant fights over bananas and food in general; while still remaining very close friends in the face of their many squabbles was something I could relate with.
Then there was the ‘Cookie Monster’. He was extremely emotional, as he cried whenever he saw an empty jar of cookie. Most people liked him then but I did not. I could not understand why he always had cookies and never swallowed them. I loved cookies too and always wished he would hand them to me rather than waste them by chewing and letting them out the sides of his mouth!
Apart from the very popular Muppet characters, one of the biggest reasons why ‘Sesame Street’ has been such a success is the fact that huge celebrities would visit the show as guests and the child in them would instantly be awakened! I remember seeing Bill Cosby there once and how well he felt at home. Other stars like Hilary Clinton, Ray Charles, Robert de Niro, Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, Denzel Washington and recently First Lady, Michelle Obama, have all been guests on Sesame Street. It makes these stars appear more human to kids (and even parents); while driving home the simple yet important point that that they too were once children.
The biggest plus for ‘Sesame Street’ was the fact that it never allowed any racial or social discrimination. At a time when blacks in America were still trying to live out Martin Luther King’s dream, actor Northern Calloway was already one of the most popular human characters on Sesame Street, playing David the fun black guy who always gave advice to the residents of Sesame Street whenever they needed one. He was also good at rhyming and poetry; playing David on the show until 1990 when he died.
Like the show creator; Joan Ganz Cooney recently said; “I’d like to think that we got Barack Obama elected because we were the first television show to deal with racial integration as it affected children back then; who (incidentally) are today’s voters.”
While that could be debatable, the acceptance rate of the show across countries, races and continents of the world, definitely proves that there was something on the show for everyone. Countries from Nigeria to Japan, Norway, Brazil and 120 others, all watched and still watch the show; while some other countries like Canada, New Zealand and Korea, have all produced their own home grown versions of the show.
40 years later, it is easy to understand why the show is such a huge success. With a record 122 Emmy Awards for the show and one Lifetime Achievement Award to boot, nothing better underlines the huge success that Sesame Street has been. USA Today also captured it rightly with their headline; “At 40, ‘Sesame Street’ is in a constant state of renewal.” That is the secret of their success; the one secret that Nigerian television has probably not heard about.
On Saturday, October 31, 1959, the very first signals from the Western Nigeria Television (WNTV) were transmitted from Ibadan; launching the very first television station in Africa. From the humble beginnings when faces and names like Julie Coker were very famous, television seemed to have a very bright future. Then some of the best home grown productions followed. Everyone watched ‘Cock Crow At Dawn’, ‘Behind The Clouds’; ‘Samanja’, ‘Icho Oku’; etc. people could relate to stories from these home grown productions and from comedy to drama, there seemed to be a story for everyone.
As the 90’s started to close out, most home grown shows did the same. The last show I remember paying a little attention to was; ‘After The Storm’, which ran on NTA sometime from 1997. Most other TV shows, even if a little popular, have failed to catch on wildly with the country. The ‘Super Story’ series, has tried to keep things fresh and original but even that seems to have lost a little steam with viewers. The very popular ‘Tales By moonlight’ which had the same appeal with children as ‘Sesame Street’ failed to re-invent itself over the years, which led to dwindling viewership and eventual scrapping of the show.
People have argued that satellite television and international shows are to blame. While that makes some sense, I think that is the pessimistic and lazy way to look at it; which is probably the Nigerian way of looking at most things anyway.
In more serious countries, satellite television is seen as a challenge to grow and do better. When you notice that your territory is being threatened by foreign content, the smart thing to do is to rise up to the challenge match or even better what you get internationally. There is no reason why Mexican soap operas should be more interesting to watch than what we offer; especially seeing that they mostly come with simple stories that Nigerians should be able to write and act out. From the news to talk shows and entertainment, Nigerian television still seems stuck in the 80’s. Where the CNN’s and Sky’s of this world, as sharp and professional as they already are, still constantly strive to re-invent themselves, stations here are okay with borrowed content and poor transmission.
Aside the fact that television stations are now scattered all over the country, reaching the most remote ends of the country, there is little or nothing to cheer. People watch Nigerian television not because they want to but because they have to (when their satellite subscription is out or they cannot afford it). There is hardly any show on TV today that has people running to their homes to go watch. The sense of growth and competition seems completely gone and very little seems to be done in that direction.
50 years since WNTV Ibadan, the fondest memories of Nigerian television are from many years past; so much so that October 31st passed by without any fanfare; save for a handful of newspaper articles and editorials. The television practitioners from a nation with the first TV station in Africa, now go to other African countries like South Africa (whose first TV station started transmitting over a decade after Nigeria’s WNTV) for training. Yes, military rule did not help a lot of these sectors grow; but has there really been a drive to get better 10 years after democracy? Does growth simply mean being able to package uninteresting breakfast shows and read the news on the hour? Does technical advancement and innovative programming not matter anymore? Most importantly, why is there no show on Nigerian television today that I can describe in such glowing terms as ‘Sesame Street’?
I was not born when either ‘Sesame Street’ or Nigerian television were born but while both may have shaped my childhood in some way, it is only right to celebrate with the one who has shown consistency and the right attitude towards growth and success. No one likes to be associated with an inability to make progress. I sure do not. So, here are 40 hearty cheers to ‘Sesame Street’. Like their theme song goes, it’s still “Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away…”
ANSWERS ANYONE?
Since the MRI scan has cleared players in the ongoing FIFA U17 World Cup as ‘under 17’, why do people still find it hard to believe that the Nigerian players are not age cheats?

Ebuka-Obi Uchendu

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admin — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:07:34 +0000

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